Strange….

This day 2 years ago my father passed away. I will not lie to you and tell you that he was da best dad and he was involved with every aspect of my life. No…. He was very distant from my brothers and I. He missed alot of positive things that was going on in my life. Basketball, football, award shows, prom, everything. He was not there at all. Not even a phone call to acknowledge anything. You see he left my mom when she lost her eyesight due to glaucoma with 5 children, homeless and on our own to fend for ourselves. I know what your thinking, you would probably agree that I have every right to hate him and if he did die, so what. That is not the case. I had to learn to forgive him. Which at first was difficult, but became easy because I realized that I wasn’t doing this for him, it was all for me. I had to let go all the old shitt of the past. Once that happened I was able to free myself. And I believe that is why I feel so blessed till this very day. I was actually was beginning a relationship with him. We talked almost every Sunday about everything and I never asked him the obvious questions. Why weren’t you there in my life? I understood that in order for me to truly forgive him, that I had to let those questions be just that, questions…. Forgiveness is truly hard for most of us. Especially for me because I enjoy holding grudges. But I found out that it is more difficult to forgive then to hold on to old grudges. That’s how we free ourselves. We have to realize that it is so much more going on and just more important in our lives then to be dwelling on what happened in the past. So today and every year, I will honor his memory because if it wasn’t for him, I would not exist….

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